I personally think that MS has taken heaps away from me in the past 12 months, and to be honest I wasn't ready to give away any of the things that it so savagely took from me.

Back in the late 60's I started work as a student nurse (when I was 17 years old), and continued working for 40 years once I'd registered (yes... I AM OLD!). In those 40 years, I went up through the ranks of the nursing ladder experiencing just about every type of nursing there was, and landed on just about all the rungs of the ladder there were as well. I worked as nurse in charge of many wards (surgical, medical, palliative care, critical care,) and also worked as deputy charge of a large hospital along the way.

What I loved and did best, was working on the wards caring for sick people. I worked as a lecturer and clinical teacher of student nurses in colleges and hospitals which I also liked, and I worked in hospital administration before I finally went back to hosital ward work..... once again doing what I loved most.

Nine months ago I had to give it all away.

To me, I feel that I've lost my indepenence with no job, and now I can no longer drive. My short term memory loss has made sure of that. I'd be too scared to drive the car now as I'm not sure I'd remember my way home, let alone the rules of the road. I've not driven the car for about 10 months now, and that's not a good feeling.

Then there's my mobility. I now walk with a cane, and I have a rollator for bad days. With that comes a loss of self esteem feeling. On a bad day I put the Handicap Parking sticker up on the front of the car and people see this youngish person and sneer down their noses at me! Why do we have to put up with this #$%@, and why do they make us feel bad about using these stickers when they're issued to us for a purpose?

The list goes on and I mourn for the loss of my career, but the thing that hurts me most is my grandbaby.

I have a beautiful grandson, and I'm too frightened to pick him up in case I drop him. The thing I hate the most about this rotten disease is not being able to be a normal, cuddly grandma, like most grandmas are.

I'm sorry Cheryl, and others who are going through this as well. It sure ain't one of the good bits you find in the MS literature. Mega hugs to you all.