Cheryl,

I can totally relate to what you're feeling and experiencing. I had to finally stop working this past April. I had been at my job for almost 15 years. But I knew it was necessary. And I guess I sort of resigned myself to the fact that what is happening is happening for a reason and it's up to me to figure out how to use it to my advantage and find the positive in it. I miss working and worry that if I don't challenge my mind daily that I will become even more forgetful than I already am.

I suffer from fatigue, too, and it's probably the most aggravating symptom I deal with. I went from working a 12+ hour day to taking at least one nap every day. I hate that out of control feeling because I like to know what to expect next and with MS we never know. I try to do things each day that are now difficult for me because I don't want to lose the ability to do simple things like write legibly or fix my son's favorite dinner. These things are more difficult for me to do since I, too, deal with numb hands.

As for the things I have given up:

Financial Security/Stability
Some of my independence

Things I have gained:

A greater appreciation for the small things I used to take for granted.
Time to read.
Time to cook.
Time to enjoy the sunrise with a cup of coffee and the birds.
Time to volunteer.

I don't like to complain about things - and I know you don't either. I don't really consider this complaining - rather, just acknowledging the fact that we are not the same person we were before MS moved in. We're just stating the obvious (to us, at least) and trying to come to grips with that.

For each thing that MS takes away from me I try to replace it with something better. Not always an easy task but at least it challenges me to always seek the positive in any situation.