Faith, I had to redefine who I was when I could no longer maintain the schedule necessary to work outside the home. In fact, I have had to be gentle with myself when I can't get much done around the house when I am flaring. My disabling condition is Crohn's and complications in my altered digestive system (I have no colon, and I also suffer some fecal incontinence. . . not pretty or simple to work around!)

When it became apparent that I would not be bouncing back into my highly-stressful cubicle world, my mother reminded me that I had always dreamed of the day that I could be a full-time artist. Well, I am hardly that, but I did turn back to my first love, and picked up the drawing pad and set it in the easel at her urging. What is difficult for me now is that during a flare or a particularly difficult pain period it is hard for me to be creative. But I am surrounded by art I have done over the past 5 years, and my easel stands always ready right out in the living room. And I can now respond "I am an artist" instead of "I am disabled" when someone asks me what I do. . . .

So I understand the stress of not working. I find that any time I feel good for more than 3-5 days in a row, I begin to dream of the day when that becomes 30 days, and then 60, and them maybe I will be able to think about returning to a full time job, the feeling that I am productive again, and the ability to save for the future instead of worry about it! For now I will have to be content to mess around with my pastels and watercolors . . . and take a workshop now and then to stretch myself a little.