My Thanks to you all in my time of need. Your words have brought me comfort during this sad time in my life. Yesterday for my Cousins Mass, I was asked to write a Eulogy as we grew up together as Sisters. I was doing okay, recalling funny memories we shared. At least I got everyone laughing and smiling again.

I got to a part about my Dad and almost lost it in front of Everyone. But..I carried on. Later on, it all hit me at once about my Dad. The tears started, but still I couldn't allow myself to grieve or cry. I was at the after celebration of my Cousins life. Since then, I have been holding it all in. I am waiting to spend time alone to grieve and let it all out.

Strange things started to happen last night. We lost our heat. Thats not the strange thing, but what happened after. We went to light the pilot on the furnace, and it wouldn't light, we were just going to call for service Monday. Something fell on my husbands head, it made him look up and he noticed the motor was red hot and could have started a major fire had we not shut of the emergency burner switch. I know it was my Dad telling him to shut the Emer. switch OFF! Then, for some strange reason lights would not work, but the fuses were all fine. Then this morning all the pictures my Mom has hanging on the wall of the Grandchildren(13 of them), well 3 just fell and crashed to the floor for no reason at all. They were secure up there and have been for years and years. None of the glass broke though.......Odd.

I don't know. I am just so sad and I believe my grieving process is going to begin, I feel very very depressed and weepy. I keep expecting to go into my Dad's room and see him in his recliner, but he's not there anymore. I am not numb anymore, I am so so heartbroken. I wish I was numb. It hurts to much feeling the pain.

My Cousin did take her own life. I can't be too angry at her. She did her suffering here on Earth, she did her time, she was too tired I guess.

Thank you for the link Barbara. It is SO appreciated. BTW, Its me Barb, the old, "Lori"(spelled differently) from SD 1, 2 & 3. My life has changed so significantly, I'm not the *old* Me anymore, the old Me is gone and changed.

Thanks to All for caring.

Lori