My friend just called me.

She has a 27 year old daughter who lives with her boyfriend and they have a one year old baby. Not married.

The daughter wants to take the baby and leave and move back in with her mother. Her mother babysits all day while both of the baby's parents work. They do not make a lot of money. The daughter cannot remain in the apartment if the boyfriend agrees to move out. The rent is $1000 a month.

So she will have no choice but to leave the guy, move back in with mom (who watches the baby anyway).

so here's the dilemma. The grandmother hates the daughter's boyfriend and his whole family. He does work, but he is not home at night. He really doesn't have anything to do with the baby. The girl had the baby deliberately after having a miscarriage. She knew that her mom would of course come to her rescue. She's done this countless times before.

The girl told the boyfriend. "i'm leaving you, and I'm taking the baby". The boyfriend countered with "Oh yeah, well if you do this, I'll accuse you of kidnapping my child". She of course got scared and stayed with the boyfriend.

He also told her "I know that you had a nervous breakdown when you were 19 and they put you in the hospital, so if you try and take my son, I'll use this against you in court". So naturally she, again, got scared and now she's afraid to leave the guy.

The grandmother told me "what rights do I have?" I said "is your daughter incapacitated in any way, is she on any meds?" She said "no she's fine, no meds, no anti-depressants, she works all week, I watch the baby".

I then said "I do not believe this guy has any grounds to accuse your daughter of kidnapping his child. I mean, people have the right to leave boyfriends and moms (at least I am led to believe this), that mom's have the right to keep their baby, unless they are proven to be unfit.

This is not the case. The mother works, the grandma watches the baby. the guy works, and at night, he volunteers for an ambulance company. So he's rarely home, and when he is, they fight and he curses her in front of the baby.

The grandmother asked me "Isn't this verbal abuse, wouldn't the court decide in my daughter's favor"?? I said to my friend: "you would be surprised at how many couples curse each other, and then make up at night".

She said: "no, she can't stand him". I said: "do you think your daughter is strong enough to leave him, because this has to go through Family Court". The guy, (after she leaves him ), can go straight to Family Court and he'll try to make a case for visitation, etc. WHATEVER!!!!

She said: "we don't want him to have any visitation and if he does get visitation we want it to be supervised". I said: "On what grounds?" and she said "well, he's not a fit father". and I again said: "on what grounds??" and she said 'well, he never changes the diapers".

I sighed and said "these are not grounds for supervised visitations" You are doing this because you cant' stand the guy". And she admitted this.

I said 'if your daughter leaves this guy, she's going to open up a can of worms, and you better be prepared to stand by her, support her and don't think for one second that this guy's family is not going to do the same for him."

She said (this was last night), she said: 'I know my daughter doesn't love him, and she wants to leave". The grandmother told me she plans to go all by herself to Family Court, ask some questions about her daughter's rights and then, when the stuff hits the fan, she'll tell her daughter what she found out. The girl is 27 by the way.

I said "this really is your daughter's business, it's her decision, but you can go and get the information if you are so inclined.

Well, this morning she had a talk with her daughter and told her daughter about the Family Court and that the guy might possibly sue for visitation, etc. etc. and the daughter immediately said: "I still love him, and I don't want to go to any Family Court".

I told my friend "I told you, she's not strong enough to make the break, she knows you'll take care of the baby, because this is what you have been doing her entire life. She has never stood on her own two feet. She also has another daughter who is 25 and is dating a guy for 3 years who wont' work. The mother is going crazy worrying about the two daughters.

I told her "This is your daughter's business and you really can't say anything about anything".

She said 'what do you mean, I am watching my grandson so I'm making it my business". Then she told me "my daughter also wants to have a second child". I said "good grief". She's not married to the guy, she is not happy with the guy, she doesn't take care of the one she has, and she wants another one? "are you serious??" And she says "I told her not to get pregnant until she's ready".

and the grandmother has MS by the way. Good Lord.

So here's what I want to know. Many of you know young mothers who wanted to leave the guy, right??

What happens when the mother leaves the boyfriend? Does the young mother then have to go immediately to Family Court to get some kind of custody for her own child?? If this were 50 years ago, there would be no problem. The girl left, took her baby and that was it.

but guys have rights today, I know this.

I know he could go to Family Court and try and probably WOULD get visitation rights. But the grandmother wants to know if the daughter, upon leaving the boyfriend, well, does she have to do ANYTHING??

Or can she just up and leave, and move back in with mom?

Thanks to anyone who can answer. My friend can't get through to the Family court by phone, it's always busy. She doesn't own a computer and can't operate one, Neither does the daughter.

In my heart, I don't think the daughter has the gumption to leave this guy. It would be too much WORK for her to do this.

But I'm just curious as to the rights of the mothers in this dilemma.

Thanks to anyone who can answer this.

Melody