I did push myself to get things done around the house yesterday, but I had to keep sitting down and take a break, I wasn't go go go.

I did take my dogs for a walk too, it helps for the time I am walking them. Nobody was at the pool, I guess football season is taking priority over the pool now. It was hot out too. So, I didn't go.

I don't want to be there alone anyway, too many bad memories. In fact being here across country has been bad memories, my mom so sick for a year. My two older dogs having to put down, then my little redhead due to her agression. All the moving because of my mom's illness. From a larger rental to a smaller w/my husband, then her in her own rental, then to an Assisted Living, then her back with us in the 2bd and then all of us moving back into a 3 br, and then the assault on me.

I can't sleep w/o my meds. Got up at 5am today, I wake up in sort of a mini anxiety type style.

I sit with my mom everyday and we talk, or should I say she listens, then keeps saying all the bad things about my husband over and over, and I can't handle listening to that all the time.

I am going to try and finish some things I didn't get done yesterday. I really am going to try and get into one of James Patterson's books, he is a great author and I love all his books. I am way behind on reading his latest books.

I am rambling again. Court is a week from this Friday, it should be interesting and be the final one that determines what happens to him. If he doesn't show up and decides to flee, then I will be in a real mess, not knowing where he is.

I think I should move out of State, but have to ride out the lease till April, although my DV counsler can advocate for me if I feel the need to get out of here fast, like if he is on the run. Even still, I don't want to be in the same place as he is. I know he is really upset with me, that's what they do, blame someone else, it justifys what they have done. They actually believe it my DV counsler told me and they would pass a lie detector test. The repeat behavior keeps them in the system, they just will never change.

It's like I am in court with a stranger, weird feeling.

Okay, well anyway, have a good day.

Hugs, Nikko