it is hard to know what to say... I can feel that you are struggling, looking for some small ray of light, something bright, anything to help you with your next step... and I know it must hurt so terribly to see those you love and care about suffering.

You ask "is it bad to admit that life is just starting to be a struggle from one day to the next?" I say NO!!! You seem like a strong person, one that keeps much to themselves, and in times like these... when losses and pain come so close together, I believe it is quite a normal response to struggle from one day to the next. Sometimes sharing your pain and struggle with others allows us to help carry a bit for you

You also asked, "when does it get better?" The answer to that may lie within you... I too have suffered losses close together, and it got better when I allowed myself to grieve the pain felt, when I shared the pain with those close to me, when I accepted that I could not 'fix' it, only learn to support those going thru it and be kinder to myself, forgive myself for my perceptions of not having done "enough." It is hard to accept when those we love have afflictions that the medical world cannot seem to cure and there is nothing we can do to make them better... and, it is all part of life here.

I wish there was something, anything...that I might say or do to help you with your struggle, but alas, other than listen, encourage you to keep putting one foot in front of the other... the journey of loss is so personal, so intense, there isn't much other's can do. I pray that you have a spiritual source and that you might find comfort there.

Also praying that your mum and mother in-law will fare well with their treatments, and if not, that their transition will be a smooth one. Please reach out to those who love you and allow others to help you during this time of emotional and spiritual conflict.