Asking for help.

We're all reluctant at some point in this life to seek help in doing certain tasks. With MS, that reluctance becomes profoundly obvious and grossly exaggerated to everyone around us. My defense is that if I can do something, then I want to do it— no matter how long it takes me.

In my experience it seems as if others believe that if I'm not doing something quickly enough, I'm not capable of doing it. What makes faster better? Has no one else heard the phrase, "Haste makes waste"? Try as I may, it's utterly impossible to convince others that I have reasons why I not only want to do it, but that I need to do it myself.

Case in point: I can't enumerate all the times when kindly friends and strangers have offered to help me assemble or disassemble my scooter in a parking lot. Many times I have tried to explain to them why it has to be done my way, and for that, I am mocked as OCD or a control freak. The simple reality in this is that to keep my balance, reduce stress, and save energy, each piece has to go in a certain place, a certain way during both operations. It is a necessary routine. I cannot "go over" to a misplaced piece and carry the 25lbs. back to where I need it! I do this myself dozens of times a week, why don't they trust me when I politely decline their help?

On my own, it's a 45-second operation, with "help" it's several minutes with multiple corrections (I can do it faster than I can explain how). Which would you choose!?!

Typically, I'm a very good sport but when my friends who know I want to do it myself stand there and scream at others, "Get out of her way! She doesn't want your help!" it rubs me the wrong way. Why not say, "Hey, stand back and watch this, it's a routine like a well-oiled machine," or "Let's time her and score the performance!" or something positive?

On the other side of the coin, when I do need or want help, I ask for it without hesitation and I am genuinely grateful for that help from others. Remarkably, no one has ever bombarded me with offers to come over and do my laundry or clean my house. No one has ever said, "Hey, I'll be glad to come change your sheets on Tuesdays." Hmmmmm.

I don't mean to offend, but sometimes this stuff offends me. It's not stubborness, it's clinging to every last drop of my waning independence.

Amen.