But I really don't know what to do.

I have a close friend who has a 30 year old son. He's a full blown alcoholic. Been hospitalized for pancreatitis several times. They give him medicine, he gets better, he comes home. Back to drinking beer.

He is not working at the present. He had a good job. He wont' stop drinking. Lots of family dynamics going on. Lots of issues. Other people drink in the house (but not to the same degree).

This family has tried to get this guy into rehab. They've been to Al-anon. They've called the police. They are always told the same story.

No one can force anyone to go into rehab.

They tried to get him out of the house thinking if they called the police, the police would take him out and put him in rehab. (This is New Jersey by the way). They found out it doesn't work that way.

You can't force anyone to stop drinking or into rehab.

They have had ex alcoholics come to the house to try and talk to the guy. Forget it. He recently found out he was adopted. Didn't take it well at all. They even had an adoption expert come to the house to try and talk. All the guy did was go back up to his room and drink. He won't talk to anyone.

Lots of stuff going on in that house. But the bottom line, is he's killing himself and there's doesn't seem to be a thing that anyone can do.

I find this almost impossible to believe. But after I made some calls myself to Al-anon, I was told the exact same thing. No one can make someone stop drinking.

And sure, she can go to Family Court, and start evicting proceedings. This will take up to 6 months, and he'll still be drinking. She doesn't want to do that.

So if anyone out there has ANY ANSWERS as to what my friend can do to get her son the help he needs, well, I'll be happy to pass on any suggestions.

And you might suggest stuff that they've tried. If this happens, I'll just say "Tried that one, didn't work".

They have had interventions, (they actually had family members come to the house to do an intervention and they bought a bottle of vodka). They are from another country, and it's a custom to do social drinking when they have family get togethers. When I heard this, I went ballistic and said:

"Of all the dumb things I've heard, well, that has to be the dumbest". My friend agreed and told them to put away the bottle.

They tried to intervene. The 30 year old would have none of it. He drinks beer all night long, passes out, and sleeps all day.

So what is a parent to do when you have this situation and you are told "you have no rights, you can't make him stop, he'll probably drink himself to death".

I have never witnessed such a tragedy in a family like the one I'm describing.

Surely, THERE HAS TO BE SOME LEGAL WAY to put this guy into rehab so he'll get clean after a few days, and then do the therapy thing. I mean, he obviously needs help. They have a friend who is a lawyer, and even SHE said "there isn't a judge in the world who would sign him into rehab". He has to commit a crime, drive drunk, etc. to have a judge order him into rehab". He hasn't done any of these things. He just stays home and drinks.

Never been arrested for DUI's. When he gets sick, they drive him to the hospital. The last time he drove himself. He's getting sicker all the time now.


My friend admits she enables him by providing meals, bringing in food (she says if left up to him, he'll destroy her kitchen, and she can't let that happen).

Lots of enabling going on here. She knows this. She says "I have no strength left".

I gather that her biggest wish is that he would come down the stairs and announce: WELL, I'M READY TO GO INTO REHAB, I'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM'.

This is not going to happen!!!!

She just announced to me that she is leaving me something in her will (??????). I said "do you realize what you are saying?" She said "if he dies, I'll end my life'.

She started drinking last year just to cope with her son's drinking (I do not understand this way of thinking). Believe me, she knows what she's doing. I said 'you can't tell him to stop drinking when you drink wine every night" She said: "yes, I know, but it numbs me". Of course I advised her to get herself to AA but she says "I'm not ready to quit". There's too much going on in my life right now. Oh brother!!!

By the way, he was adopted as an infant, and they just told him last year. He is furious with them and throws this in their faces every day.

He has been drinking for 10 years. I never knew this, They live in another state. So, to quickly sum this up, he's been drinking since he's 20, found out he was adopted when he was 30, and he hates everybody.

He is not working, his union has him on furlough at the moment. His insurance would pay for rehab but he won't consider it.

Any advice that I can pass on to her (she probably has heard it all, but I thought I'd run it by you guys).

Much thanks.