Ironically, i have more energy now - less of an anxious fearful paranoid depression - situationally triggered but i think its still riding on the chemicals of the spring bipolar down. ok so now i have more of an energy reserve to "put on a good show for everyone." So nobody around here knows, nobody. Not even pdoc.

While the energy and genuine ability for enjoyment are both huge steps from before, what nobody sees is that, after every expenditure of either, i crawl back to my hole and cry anonymously.