Thanks everyone. I didn’t know this was here or I would have come sooner. I spent most of the day at Mark’s grave which is right next to my mom and dad’s graves. And believe me I have the sunburn to prove it. I put a NY Yankee helmet on his grave and a baseball bat.

This is so hard for me but for those that don't know, my brother hung himself in our bathroom and I was the one to find him the next morning. It was the day after his graduation from middle school. There was no clue that anything was wrong. His only dream was to pitch for the NY Yankees. My mom and dad talked to his coaches and teammates and they didn’t notice anything different. He was just Mark. He lived baseball, that’s all he thought about. He graduated, my mom and dad took pictures and then we went out. We came home and spent a little quality time together and then we all went to bed. And then the next morning I found him in the bathroom.

I sat at his grave today and talked and talked to him and told him I want to know why.

I want to know why you didn’t tell mom and dad you were in pain Mark. But more importantly why didn’t you tell me, we had such a strong bond and we were inseparable.

I want to know why you acted like all was well in the world when we were in Wildwood the previous weekend. No one saw anything in your eyes or behavior Mark to give us a clue to what you would do.

I want to know if you realize that mom and dad suffered over this. Not only did I lose you I lost them too. Mom was never “herself” again, always saying she should have known and she wasn’t a good mother. Dad, well he seemed to turn his back on me. I know he loved you better because you were a boy but he was my dad. But now you’re all gone and I have such emptiness in my heart.

I want to know why you keep coming to me in my dreams and telling me everything is okay. Mark everything is not okay, I miss you terribly.

I want to know that you’re in Heaven Mark.

I want you to know that yes I’m angry but I still love you.

I just put his pic in my album now that the whole world won’t see it. This was one week before he committed suicide. There were other pictures my dad took at his graduation but my mom destroyed them saying that wasn’t her son. This was my baby brother and the only thing on his mind was weather he was too sunburned to pitch that week. And he did and won two games. And today he’d be in his prime, pitching for the NY Yankees.