What hurts the most Alffe is the "note". You are the only one I told what was in the note he left for me. My mom and dad went to their graves thinking there was no note. I couldn't put them through that knowing that Mark thought about it first. It wasn't much but it proved he "knew" what he was doing and planned it. I just can't figure out what could make him do it. He had the whole world at his feet and just let it all slip away. When my friend "K' committed suicide, I understood in a way. She was doing drugs, drinking and had no future. I tried to help her but she wouldn't let me. Mark never gave us that opportunity. That's what hurts, that's what hurt my mom so much.

I had a dream about him again last night. This time he was wearing the last shirt he had worn when I last saw him. He was watching me and my parents. I could not see my parents but feel they were part of the scene. I only could see him and me. Then he came by me. I was sitting in my garden and watching him. He said, in his very own voice, the same voice I hadn't heard for so long..."How are you? You should study more for that CPA exam and worry less about why I did what I did". I woke up in tears screaming at the top of my lungs that I can't just let it go.