Hi Donna,

Thanks for you encouraging words.

I guess what I want to say is that I have a lot of experience... Early in my life I was a victim in many ways - including THAT one - and various other kinds of abuse. Later in my adulthood I became an abuser - not a violent one, and only briefly when I was quite sick. Most recently I am the parent of a child who was abused by her step father. My wife was abused in her childhood as well.

I'm not proud of the bad things I did - and despite all the screwy things I didn't have control over that helped lead me down that path I take FULL responsibility - but the 'positive' I can make of that is that I understand. I just understand. I've done many more good things than bad. But having all of these experiences gives me a unique perspective.

I've had an apartment in my building for nearly 20 years. I met my wife in 2003 and she moved in and we got married in 2004. We needed a bigger place and were able to move into a bigger apartment in the same building. Well, as it turned out, the 'move' resulted in full background checks and screenings to be done. The tenant's board and the management company found out about my 'secret' that had happened many years earlier in another state. The result was a bit of hysteria and an immediate impulse to sound the alarm. They stuck letters under all our neighbor's doors.

Now this was all quite silly since I had already lived here for going on two decades! I'm also happily married, employed, and have no other issues except this particular mistake that unfortunately many people don't seem to want to let me either 'forget' or move forward from.

I think it is wonderful that you are being so supportive to your daughter in-law. I don't know the offender. I'm not making any judgments - just sharing some experience with you.

I have been in different groups that provide therapy to men who have been involved with these type of offenses. I've known dozens of men in this particular population.

On the whole, the ones who show up to group, the ones who make their probation/parole appointments, the ones who comply with every whim of the offender registries, the ones who stay employed/go to school, and the ones who try to face their crime and take responsibility for it - these are not the dangerous predators the media and political machine so love to characterize. These are people who have taken steps to move ahead and are fairly closely supervised by the state. The stereotypical, high recidivist, compulsive, psychopathic, antisocial predator is extremely rare. I've been told by a psychologist with 20 years specializing in this field that it is only 2 or 3 percent. The stats and double talk we constantly hear in the news are based on that small percentage.

On the other hand, I also deeply understand how traumatizing this can be. I understand the feeling of wanting to protect against a dangerous person. Clearly she felt quite strongly and did what she thought she must. Was the man convicted? Is he registered under the offender registration laws?

I wish you both the best.