I can’t sit on my hands anymore. The urge is too strong. I didn’t sleep at all last night and walked and walked trying to shake off the urge. Poor Hooper didn’t know what was going on but I didn’t want to leave her alone so I took her with me.

I cut because it makes me numb and I think I deserve it for what I did to my parents but I think I just went too far. I cut again and it hasn’t stopped bleeding for two hours. I feel so alone and just don’t want to move on in life any more but I don’t want to go to the psych hospital either. I’ve been praying to God all day to help me through this, sitting in my garden with my garden angel and begging forgiveness from my parents for not telling them about the note. I was just trying to protect them, I didn’t want them to know that Mark “knew” what he was doing. They would have been devastated if they had known