Quote:
Originally Posted by Me BP?
I can’t sit on my hands anymore. The urge is too strong. I didn’t sleep at all last night and walked and walked trying to shake off the urge. Poor Hooper didn’t know what was going on but I didn’t want to leave her alone so I took her with me.
I cut because it makes me numb and I think I deserve it for what I did to my parents but I think I just went too far. I cut again and it hasn’t stopped bleeding for two hours. I feel so alone and just don’t want to move on in life any more but I don’t want to go to the psych hospital either. I’ve been praying to God all day to help me through this, sitting in my garden with my garden angel and begging forgiveness from my parents for not telling them about the note. I was just trying to protect them, I didn’t want them to know that Mark “knew” what he was doing. They would have been devastated if they had known
|
Numbing is OK. I can understand that. There are a few of us that are SI's here so we can understand about being numb. Numbing is a form of release...
But it is NOT ok to keep on letting the wounds bleed. Because then it becomes something else totally...
it's called a slow torture...and I don't think you are affiliated with one of those religions that says that you have to torture yourself in order to repent, right???
There is nothing wrong in wanting to PROTECT your parents...we ALL do that...we all try to protect the ones that we love...and yes, a lot of the times, we really shouldn't but heckit, we do it anyways because we are human beings and we have feelings, emotions, and LOVE behind our irrational reasonings...
no one on this earth has been able to decipher how and why human beings should act. We are all each unique different individuals...
but we are all bound by one of the greatest thing of all...
LOVE...
you did it out of love, and love and hate are borderlined...
when a love is so strong and it goes sour, it can turn to hate and anger real quickly...
right now, your mind is jumbled into so many things and you are loathing everything including yourself...
so, like everyone suggested, please look after number one for now...
YOU...
Let me ask you this, what if Alffe posted that she has cut herself and let herself bleed, what would you say to her?
What if wren posted and said that she has put her hand against the hot pot and has scorched herself and don't want to go get checked...
what if Doody's strong suicidal ideations takes over and she has posted she is on her way to a bridge and she is going to drive herself over the bridge?
what is BMW has posted that she has roasted herself (OK, I couldn't resist that, BurntMarshmallow...LOLOLOL)
what would you say to them???
Say the very same thing you would say to them to yourself...
If you really want to give up, there is absolutely NOTHING that any of us can do...but we are NEEDING you to NOT give up...
if you give in, then you are saying that Mark did the right thing...and I KNOW that you don't believe that...
sorry I just have to be so raw...cause we care...
