I remember standing in the meat department looking at a great pack of New York steaks. I used to be so proud to bring them home to my beaming husband when he saw them. He would immediately light up the grill. It didn't ever have to be a "special day", it was just a spontaneous normal act of mine. One day standing in the meat isle, I burst into tears getting everyone's attention. I was so embarrassed! It just happened with no warning. To think I would never be able to do that spontaneous act again to brighten his day.

Your neighbor is much in the thick of it right now. You are just licking her wounds. She has got such a long road ahead of her and I am so glad that you are her friend. However, don't let it get in the way of your healing process.

It has now been 8 months since my husband's suicide. The hatred is still there, but I do feel on the mend right now. However, I never know when I am just going to start bawling. I am just so grateful for the days I have that are happy and consecutive!

Alffe, you have been my rock and my idol. I think about you all the time. I am so glad you have finally found some peace. More to come I am sure. I love you!