i made this digital scrapbook page in honor of my mom. she suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm on march 14, 2006. the b/w picture is 1 day after surgery. the color pic is from christmas. she's on the road to recovery now and is doing pretty well, but i still had to scrap out some emotions
the writing is hard to see, but it says:
Quote:
though you are still with us, there is still a loss to grieve. it seems blasphemous to grieve. it makes me feel ungrateful and horribly guilty. you are alive and that is a miracle. but you have changed. you are still generous to a fault, more intelligent than most, witty, caring, charming, and an absolute slave to the love of your grandchildren. you are beautiful and strong and determined. but i miss our talks. i miss listening to you ramble on about work. it was so boring, but you loved it so much and your enthusiasm was so endearing. i miss your stories about nicaragua. you repeated yourself all the time, but your childhood was something out of a novel and it fascinated me to no end. i miss your unsolicited advice. i'd grind my teeth naturally, but appreciated your perspective. and of course you'd always end with "i'll shut up now. it's none of my business." but i love that we're close enough that you could butt in if you wanted to. it was such a running joke that you talked for yourself and everyone around you. you were so eloquent and insightful and inspiring. i miss your voice. strong and proud and assuring. i miss you.
i still don't understand how things can change so fast. ten o'clock at night on march 13 we were joking on the phone about you dropping avery on her head and causing brain damage. twelve hours later, you were gone and we were all wondering what brain damage you would suffer. how did it happen so fast? what will come next? what do the next weeks, months, years hold? can things turn good as quickly as they go bad?
no matter what the future brings and no matter how you change, i'll never leave you. we've shared darkness and light and the mercurial nature of life won't take that bond from us. my hand will always be there for you, as yours was for me. i love you mom. bigger than bigger than the sky.
|