Hi. I am 17 years old and am struggling with PCS. I had a concussion in 1997 while ice skating but the next day went on with everything. I had another concussion in 2004 mountain biking, but again, kept going with everything.

Over the years I have had more headaches than normal, as well as some migraines. But they have never interfered too much with my life. Everything hit the fan, though this past October. At a field hockey game-- the last one of the season-- I collided with another player and ended up on the ground. I got up, thought nothing of it, and kept playing. I didn't connect that fall to the problems I started having until January.

School started to become really difficult. The neurologist said I had an inflamed occipital nerve. Topamax didn't help the constant headaches. Steroids didn't stop the constant headaches.

After seeing lots of people and hearing all kinds of diagnoses my mom finally found a concussion clinic and everything began to make sense. I did IMPACT testing and the result corroborated everything I had been describing. My results were awful and the Docs said to cut out all physical and mental exertion. I started staying home from school on April 4 and just lying around the house all day every day.

Now it is almost July and my head is still hurting. I still can't read or do work. I still can't run or exercise and I will not be allowed to play field hockey this fall. I find myself just waiting for time to go by.

And that makes me more upset than any pain. I am 17 years old. I shouldn't be waiting for time to pass. How do you guys live that way?

My friends have not been very helpful. They rarely call and only occasionally visit. They are not there for me. I'm supposed to be working on college applications and getting ready to start this new part of my life but I can't do that because my head does not belong to me. I can't think without it hurting.

I am watching as I gain weight. I am watching as my friends go about their lives and can't make time for me. I am beginning to see my senior year of high school become unrecognizable.

I see you guys writing about 5 years of recovery, 7 years. I am stopping Amantadine and amitriptyline this week to begin with new meds. I am doing physical therapy for the pain in my neck and shoulders. I go for walks every day. But how can I keep having faith in this "no exertion" when I am not getting better. It has been 8 months and I don't know how much more of this I can do. This isn't living. I didn't even know when it happened. It was such a small thing.

I went to the Sports Concussion "Mecca" in Pittsburgh and they said because of my history of concussions and headaches the chemical balance in my brain was alreayd funky and so a small hit like the one in October was all it needed to be knocked completely out of balance.

I want my mind back! I want my body back! I want my life back. I want to live.

And my friends? I don't know if I want them back. How can I when they haven't been here for me at such a hard time?

The one thing that has kept me going is that I know it could be worse. I volunteer as an EMT at a fire station and I see people who lose their lives. I see people who lose much more than I have. Does that mean that I shouldn't even be writing what I have just written? What right do I have to cry myself to sleep and to be upset when I could be dead?

--E