Brandon, I think your draft is a great start. I agree about adding more descriptive thoughts about how you felt when you got the final dx. Also, I would like to hear more about the gf and how this affected her when you were dx'd. Did she come to stay with you? Did she leave? Did you have family with you? All of these would bring you to the conclusion in a more unified structure since you brought it up in the beginning paragraph.

Always have a beginning, middle and end. Start with your first paragraph telling us what to expect, the middle to tell us how it all came to be and the end telling us how you coped with this devastating news.

All in all, you definitely had me interested and wanting more. That's a good thing.


BTW, if your ever in Joliet let us know. My aunt and uncle live there and my cousins are in Lockport. Jim and I could meet up with you somewhere.