I had to stop the Cal/Mag thing again because I was blocked. I don't like to be blocked. So because I didn't take it for two days, this morning I went. Not great. BUT I WENT!!

I'm going to buy that benefiber stuff that you mix with a glass of water.

My whole body is changing. Lost a lot of weight. Maybe my body is saying "whoa, what's happening?"

But I didn't soak my feet in the epsom salts last night (too busy watching So You Think You can Dance (with my hubbie who LOVES to watch the girls in their skimpy costumes).

So I forgot to soak my feet (Epsom Salts is Magnesium Sulfate). It gets absorbed in the skin.

So last night I was in a dead sleep and at 4 a.m. I was woken up by my left toe having a spasm. I said 'oh boy, just what I need".

Didn't know what else to do. I walked around my apartment (the toe straighted out in two minutes flat), but it's painful when it happens. I also took an alprazolam because honestly I got scared to death and didn't know what else to do.

I also warmed up a heat wrap in the microwave (at 4 a.m. no less), and put it on my feet. (thinking, warm compress, easing cramped muscles). I immediately went to sleep and that was that. Perfectly fine this morning.

I do not understand what is happening to my body. I am a normally upbeat (althought very anxious person, and lately (during the month of June, because my son called), I've been not up to par. This always happens to me when I hear from him.

I really sound like a horrible person and a terrible mother and I so sorry to come off that way but what he did to this family is, well, it stinks.

And because I don't cry (that's not my thing). I probably cry during puppy commericials more than I have cried about my son.

I guess i've internalized it so much, there's no place for the stress to go unless it goes in my bowels and into my toes (spasms).

Years ago, (about 10), when we were having A LOT of problems with him, and attending Tough Love meetings, and taking him to Rahway Prison for their Scared Straight Program, you should have seen what I went through with my bladder spasms.

Had them for over 4 years. Spent four years going to Urologist, gynos, this specialist, that specialist, getting ultra sounds, internal exams, blood tests, urine tests, (the whole works), only to be told. "we can't find anything".

That's when I knew it was my nerves and I was spasming.

The kicker was when I asked the doctor to prescribe me a muscle relaxer. I had just filled the prescription. I was about to take one before retiring for the night.

This was 4 years into my having these bladder spasms.

Well, I took a hot shower and the hot water was pouring over me and I was still spasming (down there), when all of a sudden it stopped. Just like that.

After 4 years of having this horrible urge to pee 24/7 and doctors finding nothing wrong with me, all I had to do was fill a prescription for a muscle relaxer (SOMA, I believe it was called). And (and this is only my opinion), because my mind knew that THIS WAS ALL IN MY MIND, well the whole body calmed down.

I had had spasms in my chest when I was in my late 20's. Here and there. I would always know when they were coming. Didn't happen often. But it happened.

Then in my 40's it stopped in the chest and went in the bladder.

Then, miracle of miracle, that day in the shower was the last day I had a bladder spasm.

I will never forget how that felt.

My son has always been a problem child but after he left us at age 20, and began gambling, well my body went through SOME CHANGE, believe me. And because I had to deal with case managers, and nurses and psychiatric wards, well my body didn't like that too much.

I truly believe that THIS IS HOW MY BODY COPED with what was going on.

So now I'm getting them in my toes.

I am going to buy magnesium (not the Oxide), but the other kind that Mrs. D recommends.

Until I get it, I'm going to soak in the epsom salts.

The other evening my calves were bothering me. I took out my foot bath thingee, poured some epsom salts and began soaking my feet.

Well, in 5 minutes, all the aches went out of my calves. So there HAS to be something in this epsom salts thing, right?

Take care,

Melody