Originally Posted by Pamster

Thank you everyone. I feel much better now that I have come to this decision. It's like I know now that everything will be all right. It might be hard, but it's hard now. It's just a matter of time now. I have a lot to do ahead of me but I will embrace it because it will make this eaier to live through in the long run.

Thank you Donna, I admire you a lot too, you put up with so much healthwise and you're still smiling, that is the kind of attitude I like to think I have too. I definitely do think that Jack is part of the problem with not standing up behind me when I try to set down the law with Jackie, he doesn't always do that and one thing kids with autism need is consistancy.

It's definitely true Mari, I think children DO respond to their environment. Kids with autism especially. We go to this one dr, a neurologist in an office two and a half hours away and there is something up in the room, the waiting room, whether it's the pattern on the upholstery or the wallpaper, something sets him off badly, he yells and cries and screams until they let us in to the exam room where he's totally fine. But until that happens he fights with me to get out the door.

I hope that this goes well but it might not, I can't help how I feel. Things will get better in time and I know this. It's just getting to that point is going to be really hard. But I honestly believe it's the right thing to do for all three of us. I just can't take much more stress and wish I could just take a vacation and come back all relaxed but that will never happen. It's sad, definitely very heartbreaking, but I don't see any way around it since things just keep degenerating on all around me. I will keep posting though as talking about stuff does help.

Thank you Wiix for everything, sharing your story and all your support, it really helps.