Mike, I am really sorry to hear suicide came up again for you. I hope you are in counseling.

I always tell my children "no man or woman is worth taking your life" I believe this can also be said to adults.

Have you been over to the Surviors of Suicide forum? If not here is the link:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

You will find very caring people on that forum who will understand.

Take care of yourself, Mike