Okay, GOT A NEW PROBLEM to lay on you!!

The 30 year old alcoholic in the hospital!!! He now thinks he can call me and say stuff like "Would you please tell my mother to get the F out of my business".

I said 'You may get away with that kind of language with your parents, but YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!!"

He apologized. But he feels that at 30, his parents should not speak to his doctors, call up the hospital to inquire about his condition, tell him what to do, get in his business, etc. etc.

With the first phone call (I hadn't spoken to this guy in 6 months). I was very diplomatic (I know how to talk to people without being preachy or bullying).

I simply stated "are you sure you want me to convey this to your parents". He went on and said "They have no right talking to my girlfriend, I didn't give them permission to talk to my girlfriend, blah blah".

I then said very quietly "this is the 4th time you've been hospitalized, your parents are very worried and this is natural. Don't you realize this?" He kept bringing up the fact that he's 30 years old, his mother drinks so she has no business telling him to stop drinking (I said "we are not talking about your mother right now, we are talking about YOU).

He said "Well, I'm not drinking right now, am I??" I said "you've done this to yourself 4 times". Your pancreas is shot..the next thing to go is your liver, you obviously need to go to rehab, but that is up to you".

He said: 'just tell my parents to leave me alone, I'm signing myself out, I can leave here if I want (he can't even stand up). I said 'why don't you listen to the doctors and do what THEY tell you".

He replied: '14 doctors said I could go home (that's not true), and 1 doctor wants me on 30 minute antibiotic infusions 2 times a day". I am bored to death, why should I stay here, blah blah".

Alan, then got on the phone and said; "I want to ask you a question, if you saw your mother lying on the road, would you help her or leave her lying on the road??" He said "of course I would help her". Then Alan said "what do you think your parents are trying to do for YOU??"

I then said "Listen to me, you're an addict, you have your own perspective on what's happening, your parents are your parents, they are worried to death about you (his parents have gotten absolutely no help from the social workers, from the doctors, from ANYONE. He can't be made to go to rehab.

His mother told me last night "I have to go to work, I cannot have him come home" Well, I had to tell her that he phoned me and I had to tell her what he said. I said "it's not easy telling parents this message, but do you want to hear what he said?"

She said "please". So I just told her.

Everything that comes out of his mouth is just NOISE. I once watched Intervention, and unless an Addict says "I'm going for help, or I'm going into rehab", then everything else that comes out of his mouth is just NOISE!!

All this guy is spouting is just noise.

He just called me again this morning. He said "Melody, please tell my parents to leave me alone, they just came to my hospital room, and they yelled at me, I want them to leave me alone, I'm 30 years old, I can make my own decisions.

I just said "Your decision making has not been working for you, has it??" I then said 'Please listen, you need to stop drinking and only you can make this happen, not your mother, not your father, not anybody, only you".

He said 'Why can't everybody just leave me alone"? I said "when your parents adopted you 30 years ago, they brought you into the house and they loved you and took care of you, I was there from the beginning". He said "they never gave me anything, I worked for it all".

I said 'you forget one thing, I was there from the day they brought you into the door, you have a perception of life that is screwed up because of your thinking. Perhaps one day, if you get clear in your head and all this is out of your system, then you can look at your parents and really see what's going on and what your behavior has done"?

He said 'but how can my mother tell me to stop drinking, she drinks, and she blames me for her drinking".

I then said the following:

"you are absolutely right. When we put something into our mouths, we do it, no one else does it for us, so your mother can't tell you to stop drinking, BUT I WILL SAY ONE THING, .....YOUR MOTHER HAS NOT BEEN HOSPITALIZED 4 TIMES WITH A SWOLLEN PANCREAS, SWOLLEN LIVER, NEEDED INFUSIONS, ETC. ETC. AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR HERE??

He then said "she's on the other line, I have to go, I'll call you later".

I believe I have said it all and I have no more to add.

When he calls me back, do you think the following would be a good idea?

"I've said what I have to say, I think you should go into rehab and I don't want to be redundant, have a nice day, then I should say good bye BUT not just hang up the phone, but wait and see if he gets my point.

Or do you think I should say this and hang up.

Is there a better way to phrase this?

Thanks much
P.S. Sorry if I got the two phone calls mixed up. One was last night and one was 30 minutes ago. Essentially each phone call was the same. He wants it his way, and he doesn't see it anyone else's way!!!

(I really think I've made my point and I shouldn't have to add anything else, right??)