Thanks for the replies. I'm really not sure about much anymore because my head spins and spins. All I know is that I'm so unsure of myself and I'm hiding from my friends and co-workers and I've never been like this. I haven't told anyone yet and I'm not sure if I will. But they know that I'm not myself. I am seeing a counselor for grief and depression too. Lots to talk about but I'm finding it hard.

I found this board actually from a friend that was having a lumbar fusion. He was reading and getting the nerve up to post in spinal disorders when BT crashed. He had the fusion at the end of July and he's doing fine.

I'm taking 15 mg of Abilify and .5 mg Klonopin 3 times a day. I've only been taking them since Wednesday and I know it will take time. But since I've started I seem more....can't think of the word, maybe "chaos brained" as I like to call it. I desperately need a good solid sleep that's for sure.

Thanks again and nice to meet you all.