((((((B)))))),

Question: wouldn't care if it happened?? or want to MAKE IT HAPPEN??

If it's the second one, call 1-800-suicide.

If it's the first one:

((((((B)))))), Nikko had very good advice. Call for help. And talk to us.

All of us who have been in abusive relationships understand all the associated feelings that go with that. You don't want to talk about it. You're ashamed to talk about it. I could go on for pages...

The thing is *B*, the 'talking' is what helps the most. The realization that there are a lot of 'others' out there that can help guide your steps. The realization that you have come so far already -- now is not the time to turn and go back or the time to put on the brakes. What's on the other side is BETTER. Believe me.

A lot of us have trouble with this time of year -- the change of seasons, the loss of daylight, the holidays, especially if your 'sitch' is going to be different from last year. You need to learn strategies for learning how to cope with what's got you off balance.

I don't like October. It's the month that my Brother committed suicide in. Even though it's been a long-long time, it still throws me. I've lost a lot of other family members during October -- my favorite Grandma...

But, I can't go driving my life into the ditch every October. I did that for way too long -- it's exhausting and it hurts. Now, especially, with the divorce, you need learn to do what YOU need to do to make your day BETTER.

It might be tea in china cups. It might be eating a Snickers and reading a great mystery story. Or walking down to the local coffee shop -- just to look at the leaves on the way and get some coffee and get out of the house for awhile.

That's why I'm a big believer in blank books and writing down your feelings during the more difficult times of your life. If you go back and read it later, it shows you that you've gone through crap before and coped WELL ... so you can do it again. If you write it all down, you can actually use the writings like a RECIPE for how-to get out of the crap-sitch again.

Talk to us about what's knocked you over today. If you don't want to put it here, get some paper or a blank book and write it down.

You need to learn about your SELF, so that you can take of your SELF. You've spent way too much time *stifling* your SELF -- now it's time to bring that girl out and parade her around this wonderful, fantastic world that's waiting for her

BIG HUGS.

Barb