I don't cut because I want attention. I started to cut when my mom passed away because I felt like I couldn't go on without her, I couldn't stand to wake up and know that I won't talk to her or see her that day.

No I'm not proud of it and I hate myself for doing it. People who cut have intense feelings of fear, hurt, anger, rejection or abandonment. Most importantly they need to feel pain on the outside instead of the inside. I don't want sympathy and I know it's not appropriate to cut yourself. But when the pain is so deep, you do it. I don't want to drive people away and I don't want to be labeled but that has already happened. When you feel like you're being blamed for something you didn't do or feel you've done wrong, you cut because it makes you forget about your real pain. I hope I make sense but this is why I cut.

Thank you for the PM Vicky, and for understanding. Yes Curious I'm trying the rubber band and ice to make myself feel pain instead of cutting. I called my pdoc and told her I need to talk to her. I don't know what or if I'll tell but I have to try.