Well behind all my foolish humor that is trying sooo very hard to not worry or not think about or maybe trying to put on the back burner. I know I know others will draw conclusions of me.. When really all my thoughts and emotions are mixed up.. I hope no one judges me and NO one is hurt or offended by my mixed up washy washy ness
But when my hub continues to not use his cpap mask at night or any time he sleeps. I consider this a slow suicide. And true what he says about me smoking cigs is also kind of the same but not cus I don’t smoke inside nor do I smoke non stop all night long .. it is kind of the same but not.
Is there such a term as a slow suicide? What dose one do when they are faced with such an issue? Am I taking things and blowing them out of proportion?
It is so hard to listen all night long for the last 5 or more years that I do not sleep in same room. Which is good cus of my t.n. and mostly can only sleep in recliner chair. BUT HE SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE WHEN MY DAD HAD MASSIVE HEART ATTACK RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND DIED ON FLOOR. THAT SOUND NEVER LEAVES!!!nor do the images or helplessness of that time back then.
But the sound and knowing he stops breathing for periods of time while he is sleeping eats me… it makes me cry he wont use mask. And I try to think. what is he thinking dose he think?.. okay I met nice girl we got married had 2 baby girls .. raised/are raising
Them.. so that’s it he don’t care his life is complete and its okay to ignore not breathing all threw night off and on. He doesn’t care if he dies in sleep? And isn’t that just like slowly killing ones self when you have the means to correct the problem but you refused to use it? And I am trying so hard to say it’s a medical condition..An illness . but I didn’t wear this wedding ring for the last 23 years so I can find him one morning dead. And then I feel horrible at myself because I do care and I want him to care also.
So what do others here do to cope with their hub and illness and not get so frustrated and …angry? How do you keep going when it is apparent other half could really careless?
And what is considered a slow suicide. If there is such a thing?
Yeah that’s what is behind all my silly antics…anger, sadness, frustration tears and a dead end to which I bang my head on when I allow myself to ponder on it. Because when I do my mind just spins around with all kinds of mixed up thoughts and emotions. I am sorry for my silly goofing around it is just my way to deal i guess and thanks for putting up with me you all are a blessing to me to have met and gotten to know.
Okay now BMW is cryin and needs to go in bathroom and wash face..the good side at least and take care of drippy nose. Sorry forgive please.
PEACE
BMW