I'm trying so so hard Alffe to let those ripples stop by themselves. I just feel like I'm at a dead end and there's no way to stop them from reaching the land. I wrote this last night when I couldn't sleep and I called it "Why Can't I Let Myself Soar". I write poetry when things get to me and I used to take it to my tdoc but now I just write for myself.

Time is sliding behind the clock.
There is a pain inside me.
Life slaps me in the face to mock
The voice says bones are the key.

Yet there is never sign to stop
Its a rat race till the end.
Up is down and bottom is top
A false wall that's just pretend.

Down and down into the dark lies
She wraps you around the night.
The place where one's soul never dies
And you no longer will fight.

My heart goes through a pyschic war
The pain just never will end.
The knife is driven to my core
Flagged by the past evil sins.

I must deserve this mental hell
Even though I see the door.
A small exit that I know well
Why cant I let myself soar?

And the lies are that I never told my mom and dad Mark left a note. The ups and downs are being bipolar. I must deserve this refers to what happened in the hospital. It's all coming back to haunt me.