Thanks you. You all really help me feel heard and cared for. With all you are going through I feel so bad. Anyhow my apt is actually tomorrow. A lot has happened. Had a little mental break down because I am in such a bad flare up and the stress of going to another pain doc. Then my mom lost it mentally and then I felt bad and scared about that.I don't want to push her over the edge like years ago. Everyone is fine and I stayed at my moms yesterday. A few thoughts I guess. My mom and I have a good relationship but conflict too. I really feel at a loss and I discussed maybe subletting this apt and for the hundreth time moving like 5 min near her instead of 35. Of course after the surgery I will have to stay with her cause no driving for awhile,bending,lifting.She fears I will get to comfortable living with her if I were to stay for a longer period then the recovery and that it is not normal. Then though after the crazziness yesterday she said I could for a longer amount not forever which I never planned but for awhile. Now I feel too bad so I don't know.I have lived on my own since I was 18 so 12 years almost. Even when they thought I would die from my eating disorder I pushed through on my own and worked full time. With chronic pain there is no pushing sometimes. I am the first to say I don't act rational but am trying. My reason is that I have lived in chronic pain of the leg for a year half with lack of pain control and from doc to doc. Then the eyes the same thing for 7 months and makes it hard to see and have gotten worse I feel bad cause I know here there are so many worse off.Anyhow I think I said here how I asked my psych please tell me how I should feel and act. He could not tell me. To be honest in my eyes I am coping not as well as some of you but I have maintained my eating disorder recovery and a healthy weight with no behaviors. I also have not done any other destructive things. Ok enough of the rant. I will let you know tomorrows apt and what procedrue exactly I will have and maybe he will have insight with the eyes too and hopefully my mom and I will discuss the living issues on the way home. 7 hours in the car for a 10 minute apt. I hope it is productive and I have a plan tomorrow. Hugs and thank you