Believe me if I could I would. We managed to set the grill on fire even though it had been cleaned and I got yelled at because I didn't run fast enough into the house to grab some towels. My brother threw the grease pan across the yard (its one of those fancy gas grills with the side burner and the removable grease pan). I am still tired- at one point couldn't even stay awake long enough to eat anything. I am physically sick from being anxious about work. I don't know how to make it go away. I am still down and having more of those bad thoughts. I found some songs to fit the mood on my iPod. I am considering actually trying out some of my ideas. I am debating if I should do it in my fire district or go somewhere else . . .