(((Nikki))) I totally agree that your reaction to your dx was perfectly normal. As far as "did he know?"....you'll never know for sure but of course you need to think about that...we are filled with questions when someone we love kills themselves....we don't learn the answers but we have to ask.

As far as other people speculating aloud to you...~sigh~ They should be listening to you not planting seeds of doubt. People mean well, I truly believe that but they invariably make it harder by saying the wrong thing.
They don't know what to say and they love you, they want to make it better for you...I may bump up "Listen" again.

Those of us who are coming to know you can see that you are/were a wonderful daughter. And it's normal to be angry at him...this is such a roller coaster ride of emotions...hold on dear lady.