My dear Nik-key
when you were diagnosed, and for a while thought of taking your life...truthfully were you thinking at that moment of the effect your death woul have on others.....my guess is NO

[WHY] Because life had dealt a severe cruel blow to you..on top of the pain you already bare, in tragicaly watching the man you love fade from his conscious mind.

I trust in my judgement that your father was also wrapped up in his own inner pain and anguish, and that his choice was that of his own with no baring on any other living soul.

You have stepped nearer to supporting your frail emoitions by accepting that grief has lead to depression.....something that was inevitable sadly.....but recognising your feelings are a huge step to dealing with the here and now...not the future or the past but for today.

Your a wonderful person with so many great qualities...I for one am glad you never ended your life in the past.............and that i know whole heartedly ......you wont end it in the future........may be your dads death keeps you truly Alive..............and prepares you for whatever life puts before you........... You have more courage than you think




David