I just read over my post... and I want to just clarify something.....
since that deal with God, and learning to live life as a gift.. despite my pain...
I had NOT thought about suicide. I mean it was always an option for some day if I needed it.

But, I had moved beyond it. I never again felt those feelings again though. Not through the loss of so many I loved, not through the loss of my baby even! It wasn't until my Dad took his life.... then they surfaced again. Came crashing in on me.