Oh Anne . I feel for you. I really do. I have never visited this area of NT before because I just have not been able to deal with the death of my mom AT ALL . I am constantly on the verge of tears; if I even think about her I start to cry. I've had one lousy year too. I just wish I knew where to begin to get past all of this garbage. I'm not on speaking terms with God either . I hope you find your way soon, .