i say that you should loose your temper once in while. Yell...curse...say rotten things about God if you must...and do it soon. for too many years, i thought that i had to be the "good" pd patient. people would ask me how i was and i would say i'm great and you? knowing full well that was the response they wanted-that they could give a hoot about how i really felt and could feel good about themselves for at least being involved enough to ask me how i was and then could make a clean get-away w/o any emotional scene or w/o having to face the reality that it could be them instead of me. it scares people when they hear that this disease picks it's prey w/o concern for sex, race, social status, or importance. i waited until i just finally blew top completely at a girlfiriend's tupperware party. i guess that i just got sick to death of somebody saying "boy, you look great-guess you're doing pretty good" once too often. it was as if a damn broke and i began to shout and scream that i really did feel like dog ****
and that it was unfair and to have this happen to me and and i didn't see why i had to be the one who was always brave and cheerful when i felt like crying all the time and i told God how mad i was that i had to deal w/ this and that it was all His fault.i ranted and raged for a whole hour and then just sat there stunned at my outburst but feeling better than i had felt in a year at least.
i think they call this primal scream therapy and believe me it helps to get it out and look at it and deal with it rather than to keep it all bottled up inside just waiting to spew all over. i get sick of being a pollyanna about this disease but after i told everyone just how i felt, it was such a catharsis and i no longer get spoken to in that annoyingly cloying way that people save for idiot savants. i demanded and appartantly recieved a bit of respect and an understanding from my friends w/o pd...and my girlfriend sold the largest order of tupperware in the history of the salesperson!