nope.. sorry. not gonna accept this "my fault" stuff. girly, you are not at fault. dont matter if you got angry, frustrated, struck out, struck back, initiated, or whatever. you gotta ask yourself this question. why are you feeling guilt? there shouldnt be any reason to feel guilt in a marriage that is solid. there are going to be rough times, yes. there will be differences of opinions, yes. but. if the union is not stable and unworkable the situations that arise cannot be resolved without the residue left behind that leaves one feeling things like "guilt" the bottom line is this. you have a disease that obviously wasnt a prime consideration in the marriage. it is not your fault. it is not something you asked for or planned on. it is not not NOT something to feel guilty about.

Learning to Fly Solo

I have hovered above a ground covering sound
Awaiting the release of a piece of your thought
What emerges surges through worn out urges
That try to justify an unverified reality sought.

The years are weary of teary eyes and blurry
Ponderings of what your mind wanderings mean
A crust of thick dust has engulfed all of my trust
Not allowing the doubting of trust to be cleaned.

Each awareness of fairness you dare to suggest
Is caught in bought lessons that you offered free.
Now broke to this joke in both spirit and hope
I am weak to seek breakage in the web holding me.

The residue of paying dues for hues constant change
Is becoming too thick to depict solid direction.
I am bogged in a foggy clogged closet of thought
Tossed in lost betrayal and wailing depression.

I cannot blot the thought that options are now
Minimal yet vital for that internal secured stone
Each day a foray of what may or may not stay
Has confused an abused sense of being alone.

Striving to derive what is dead or alive
Within the communion of our unions fragile shell
Statements in debate are behind hesitations gate
The water not yet tasted sits stagnate in the well.

Your appeal to steal words sealed behind my lips
Only breaks apart the stake that you artfully claim
I find myself behind the closed door to what is yours
Flying solo, I will soon know the importance of MY name.

©Laura j dean