Good grief...we have much in common and I might pm you.
Does your child have bipolar disorder? Is she on medication? We have someone in our family, same age, with this dx.
Thank goodness you got her on disability. Esp. since you have your own health issues (and even if you did not), you can not be a nurse maid to a grown child and not expect it to take its toll at some point. Very few people in the world have the energy and financial resources to truly care for another human many days a week and that is what often happens when a person is unwell. And IMHO, few understand the STRESS and complexities of this situation...like when you talk about letting her go and the fear of the her ending up "six feet under."
We hope our relative will grow and learn, but at the same time understand that you can't let things get totally out of hand and we need to show compassion.
Still more...if your child is suffering from Bipolar Disorder, it is imperative that she sees her doctor regularly and that her medication is monitored. Your child might also need therapy...someone to help with anxiety, mood swings, etc.
But even through the difficulties of the illness......I like to think with effort improvements should be able to be made. Even if they are little baby steps, one always hopes for improvements. (Sigh)
Regarding your question: I do believe there is a group called Families Anonymous that might be beneficial; although I think the majority of participants are dealing with substance abuse issues...that certainly would not be the entire story. Another group to look into would be NAMI. Also, I can't find it right this moment...but I have a good book on "boundaries." There are many good books on this topic that might be of help. My heart goes out to you, I think it is highly likely that I understand. I DO hope you have your own therapist and that you take time to care/nurture yourself whenever possible. It is a complicated and confusing situation requiring much thought, patience and strength.I also empathize with your situation.
Susan/Linda/JJ: There is a separate area here called "Parents of Bipolar Children" that might also be of assistance.