Daniella - that's not horrible at all. In fact, I admire you for doing what you thought right.
If you want to, there are ways to have kids in your life w/o having them yourself. So many don't have the family they need, you know? Even online, just someone to vent to could be a real life line.
I was the youngest of 6 kids, so the siblings started having kids when I was still really young. I started babysitting my brother's friend's baby. She was 2, and my brother lived downstairs from his friend.
If I needed any help, my SIL was right downstairs. The baby was so easy tho, I never needed anything. I loved that kid.
Sometimes I'd watch my 2 older brothers's kids, the neighbor's kids, etc.
I always knew I wanted kids and feel lucky I did not get sick till after I had mine, so they were not really little when I was going through all this stuff.
Now mine are grown and ds had a little girl - she's 2, and I watch her a couple days a week.