This week cannot go by fast enough for me. Court is Friday afternoon, and I am worried about the outcome. I walk into that courthouse, nerves and all, and I hate it. I know no matter what the outcome is I will have to deal with it. I walk out totally drained.

He is even in my dreams! Not in a good way either. I'm stressed to the max and depressed. Today I am going to just try and chill out. Wednesday and Thursday I do have things I have to do. I see my DV counsler on Thursday, which should help, I always feel good walking out of there.

Besides mentally exhausted, physically it is making me sick in little ways. I think I may be getting a chest cold, or I am just smoking way to much. My stomach is going hay wire, that's nerves. Headaches probably stress.

Ok, in a nut shell, I feel like CRAP. I wonder how I will feel after it is over, well lets hope it is finally over with court on Friday. I assume whatever happens, I will go through some type of emotions.

See, it's like I know how in whatever way, I will have some reaction. It is just so difficult to deal with everything. My head is spinning all the time. I know I should do this and that, but I can't right now, I can't function, concentrate, feel good, nothing.

Anyway, that's my life right now and it sucks. The thought of the holidays is doing me in too all I feel about the holidays is sadness.

Okay, enough of me complaining.

Hugs to all, Nikko