Pookie, Kimberly said it all so very, very true! Thanks Kim!
Now, Pookie, Your daughter is at that tender age of only 12. ONLY 12 Pookie!! Of course she is going through a very, very difficult time. You and your husband fighting, arguing.. back and forth.. back and forth it go's. Pookie, she most likely feels like it is her fault. Did you sit down with her and tell her it's not?? Pookie, my 8 yr. old sometimes is a real pain in the butt, but she's afraid, Pookie.. she's afraid! You having RSD, your husband and you fighting, bickering, back and forth is no good! No good for you, no good for you! If you decide to kill yourself, where would your daughter go? what do you think it would do to her?? My Dear God, she is 12 yrs. old. If my daughter threatened to kill herself by holding a knife to her throat, You better believe your bottom dollar, I would have her admitted immediately!! Who's the boss here?? YOU ARE Pookie!! YOU!! I have had days where, like Kim, cried out to My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and asked why, Lord do I have another mountain, not a hill.. A MOUNTAIN to climb, why?? Pookie, God loves you so very much, and the enemy would just love to see you kill yourself!! Please, I don't know what your belief is?? I don't know all your circumstances?? But, hang on another day!! Your daughter will only get worse without you!! She needs you, we need you!! God, Pookie please, get you both in together(Mommy and Daughter) in for some therapy. Hopefully, your daughter will open up in therapy. Is there a Christian organization? therapy?? If not, get into some kind of therapy by yourself, then get her in by herself, then you BOTH together. I have been without my husband for a long, long time. I wanted to just cry, blow up over everything, bills were rolling in, clogged pipes, and then some!! My hubby came home today, and I am going nuts! I am so glad that God is healing him day by day. I have to get up every single day, take him to get his daily dose of I.V.(He still has the pic in his arm), I then have to put him in his wheelchair, bring him home, wash him up, give him his meds. cook, bring him his food upstairs on a tray. My little one is scared for us both!! She finally let loose and told me she was scared that both me and him were going to die and she had nowhere to go!! I prayed that she would open up, and she did!! This took her just until July 18 (Right on my Birthday) she finally told me how scared she was!! Pookie, your daughter may be thinking the same thing?? What if my mommy died?? where would I go? She is acting out in a awful matter, yes, by saying, she is going to kill herself, she is fighting with you.. It must be awful to be in her 12 year old shoes. I know, I have to say this, but please think about her.. every time you get these thoughts about killing yourself, ya hear girl?? You are here for a reason, God allows suffering for a reason?? I believe with all my heart that it is to make us get closer to him day by day. Pookie, look at the folks out there who have no legs, arms, blind, cancer invading their bodies. I lost one of by dearest best friends to lung cancer(She never even smoked a day in her life) her breast cancer came back and killed her. She Never complained.. never! She relied on God. I know without a doubt that she is in heaven. Sometimes it's hard to understand why?? Why?? We don't know why, only God does.
Your letter made me sad because you have a daughter and also because you are, seem like such a good lady, Pookie. Don't destroy yourself with all this junk that is going on, do something about it! I do not mean to sound so harsh, but.. Pookie, we all have this crappy disease, yes, I too want to throw in the towel at times, but I'm hanging on because THAT IS WHAT WE ARE TO DO POOKIE!!
As far as no money coming in for your meds, your hubby's checks are all not that good you said, get your congressman a call, call welfare, Churches, anyone?? Pookie, if I EVER hear about you saying that you just want to end it, I will be sooooooooo upset with you again, that I will find out where you live and first of all give you a much needed hug, then lay all the cards on the table. Girl, your worth living, your worth a good mom for your daughter. If she still continues to act, carry on, be the way she is, tell her your THE BOSS, NOT her!! Goodness, she is only a baby still and my bet is, she is so scared, can't open up, keeps everything in and is a time bomb waiting to go off!! What are you going to do when she is in her teens, dating?? Well, I'll tell ya what, she will be telling YOU who she will date, blah.. blah..blah. Pookie, get this solved first with her. If she refuses to listen, punish her, take away the things she loves to do most!! Don't let it get so out of hand that one day, she may get into drugs, drinking to self medicate herself!! Please DO THIS FIRST! You will most definitely be in my prayers, and so will you daughter! Oh, and Kimberly, I am so sorry to hear about your son dying in your arms. That has got to hurt so darn bad, sweetie. Wow!! Your a huge asset to this forum and I just love you so much as everyone else here. WE ARE ALL IN THIS RSD TOGETHER, and I thank God for allowing a guy to invent the computer because we all would not have met, tell our stories, sorrows, joys to. Well, you take care Pookie and if you want my e. mail, PM me.. and I will give it to you! I am not giving up on you!! Much love and prayers, Desi.. aka.. Diane