Thanks for the link Mari! I am not sure why it has to be a three hour long appt, but it is, when we did an intake on Jackie it was not three hours, it was more like an hour and a half since he HAD to be with me...Ugh what a nightmare that was and for nothing...What a shame. I hope today's appt yields better results. This morning I will be alone with the kiddo for about half an hour, I am praying he doesn't get up during the time Jack will be gone for his dr appt. That is why I am up so early. I had to set the alarm and get Jack up...so I get to go on about five hour's of sleep today because the only alarm is in my room. *sigh*

IF he does wake up before Jack leaves it WILL be a disaster, I just know it. If he wakes up after Jack leaves it won't be so bad hopefully, we shut Jack's door and Jackie will think he's there sleeping still and I will reinforce that misleading idea until Jack gets home. Don't have much choice because he's too unpredictable to just be outright honest with him and say Dad had a Dr appt.

I had no choice about this as Jack made his appt for 7ish AM and the bus isn't here until about 8:30. Jackie doesn't usually wake up until after 7 and Jack will leave here in about 45 minutes...I really hate it, but am glad he's seeing a dr. He needed to to get back on track and I am proud of him for doing it for himself. Disappointed he made the appt for 7ish AGAIN...but glad he's going.

Thank you for everything you said in your second post, that really made me feel so much better, I have been a good mother, despite whatever Jack wants to think and say, I devoted the past twelve years of my life to my son and if he didn't have such a horribly unpredicatable disability making his behavior so hard to manage I would continue on. But he does and I have accepted that this is what has to happen.

I hope that getting therapy on a more consistant basis will help me to get more work on myself accomplished, that is why I am thinking of getting more help from these people then staying with my current T who can only see me basically for Med management for about 35 minutes an appt every two months....We used to have more time years ago when I saw her and SHE is the T who got me to finally accept a DX of BP II by showing me through medication how it's supposed to be mentally. I will never forget how slowly the racing thoughts began to lift and I began to feel more able to think clearly.

I owe her much. But I feel I need more therapy then she's able to really provide right now, it was fine for a year, being in her care again for med mang. but with all this stuff happening I feel I just need to get going on working on myself and my attitude, I tend to let people walk all over me and NOT be assertive enough to stand up for myself, this is evident I am sure in what I've posted about Jack and things he's done and said to me and about me and how I don't really stand up to him about it. He shoots me down if ever I try so I kinda gave up and just try not to listen.

Oh my, he just walked in and i had to switch windows, and he asked, "what are you hiding, I noticed you've been hiding stuff..." LOL! I have to laugh because it's true and I have been jumpier then usual, I figure that this will keep happening for awhile, and I pray things just go well today...Thanks for caring Mari! You're awesome.

ETA: Jackie didn't get up until Jack had left so all's well so far.