Christina:

Thanks for all the good info.

I know there's going to come a time when she calls me up, ranting and raving saying stuff like "you think you're so perfect because you lost 100 lbs", and a lot of other hateful spoutings, because I know that when a person is deep in an addiction and can't stop (for whatever reason), well they turn on their family and friends.

She has already been ranting at her husband. He rants at her. Amazingly, the only person she seems to have unconditional love for is the 30 year old alcoholic son.

I for one, DO NOT UNDERSTAND how he is not made to be accountable for his behavior. Not only is his drinking the cause of much of the distress, but when he began calling me (after being released from the hospital, and he was detoxed, and clean and sober), he called me up and sold her down the river.

He said "as soon as I move out, my parents are dead to me". I said: "do you hear yourself".? His response was more of the same nonsense and hate filled ragings, telling me "how dare she talk to my girlfriend, I never gave her permission to speak to my girlfriend".

I just stared at the phone because this kind of behavior is so foreign to me, my brain couldn't process this.

The stuff that comes out of his mouth (sober or not sober), is one for the books.

Last night she told me 'we have to get him out of the house but we don't want to evict him, we don't want to hurt his feelings".

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????

I said: "I have to ask you a question (I really wanted to hear the answer because his rantings have blown me away).

I said "I want to know how you got over the fact that he had called me up 5 times, sold you down the river (he was NOT drunk when he did this).

She knew what he had told me (all of it), I was very diplomatic when I told her and I made sure she wanted to hear what he said. Not an easy thing to do to another mother.

So last night I said "Please enlighten me how you can get over the fact of all the stuff he told me, for example, you and your husband will be dead to him once he moves out, and he can't stand you, and you can't talk to his girlfriend".

I said "You really give new meaning to the term unconditional love". How do you do this?"

She said: (and this really confuses me).

She said: 'Well, I don't hold grudges, and he has a really good job, makes lots of money, and we want him to buy a house, so we are bringing a real estate agent over to talk to him".

I said "and what if he doesn't want to listen, or cooperate (like he did when they had the intervention, and he walked out of the house).

She said: "Well, I feel bad for him, and we want to do everything in an easy way to get him out of here, so we can't evict him".

I said: "I give you a lot of credit, most parents would have never put up with 4 hospitalizations, and all the stuff that he put you through (never mind what he said to me over the phone".

I just wanted t understand how this guy is not made to be accountable for ANYTHING he does.

He doesn't give them the time of day. He comes home from work, and goes out all night again.

I know this is his business, but (and this is where i get confused).

Isnt' the purpose of dealing with an alcoholic on the premises, to make him ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR.?

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't understand that they don't go to Al-anon meetings, that they said they were going to get him out of the house, but now that he is back to work and goes out all night, all they want to do is bring a real estate agent over and talk to him about buying a house and moving out.

Am I not getting this in my brain?

Aren't people supposed to hit bottom or something and be made accountable??

If this continues, we all know there is going to be another (5th), hospitalization.

I'm not going to be on the other end of the phone going "oh yeah, I know, you poor thing".

4 times is enough in my opinion.

Isn't what they are doing called enabling? Buying him dinner, giving him a roof over his head, etc. etc.

You see, my son is a gambler, and I distanced myself a long time ago. I went to Gam-anon meetings, I followed the program.

My friends have told me "We don't want to be like you, we want our children in our lives". "We don't want to lose them".

Who wants to lose children??? No one wants that.

But if you follow the precepts of the Gam-anon and Al-anon, you learn not to enable.

Right??