Thank you all.

Oh yes, call grandma back and she tells me all these terrible things my son has done. She is the type that will take something that was done a year and a half ago and make it sound like it happened yesterday and it was an earth shaking experience. I have known this woman for 33 years. She thinks her poo don't stink. She says my son has been calling his dad a crack head, I try not to laugh at that one even though it is not funny, he supposedly told her he was going to smash her face in , she has found some of his meds in his pants pockets. I ask her which ones because I want to make a comparison, she hems and haws and then tells me which and that it was twice. Yes it was, LAST YEAR!!! My son had mentioned it to me.

So I go pick my son up because he wants to come home for a bit and we talk and quite frankly he is fine but looks very tired. I feel bad for him, he must be exhausted. Says he never called his dad a crackhead though he did tell on him for using crack. Never told his grandmother he would smash her face in, told her he needed to leave for a little bit or he was going to wind up getting angry and might smash, or break something. I ask him, was there a chance you may have been so angry you blacked out and he says no he hasn't been that angry since he has been there.

I stopped at the psych office today hoping to talk to his psych doc or therapist and of course no one works on Friday anymore. At least not when you need them to so they put in an ER call to his therapist. I wanted to talk to his psych doc because my son is saying that his meds make him feel like crap but then he will stop taking them without telling anybody and then feels worse so starts taking them again. He doesn't seem to understand how bad that screws up his system.

So anyway, while I am still out his therapist calls the house and my son is here, visiting, so they talk and when I get home my son informs me that his therapist says that it would be in his best interest to stay at his girlfriend's house for a while. What the he**! I wish I would have been here. I mean I understand the logic behind the whole thing. The safe haven thing that we have been trying to find for him, the whole reason he went to his grandmothers in the first place. That is no longer safe.

So now I am sure you are probably thinking, did the therapist really say that or is my son just saying that. No I am pretty sure that the T said that. We have been all about finding a safe comfortable place for my son. My son and my BF have butted heads before. My son has gone into a blind rage and attacked him twice. Was sorry afterwards but here is not always the place for him. It is a shame and I have a lot of guilt but gee that is what therapy is for.

Anyway things have gotten worse and I am pretty sure that it has something to do with those antibiotics and his bowel backup. We tried the yogurt but he can't eat it so I got him some probiotics and today I got him some Fish oil. I had completely forgotten. He is exhibiting all the worsening symptoms of almost some kind of poisoning. Mood swings, cognition problems, rage issues, depression and other things. I mean he has always had these things to a point but he feels out of control. He is out of control and he feels terrible about it.

Seems like such a hodgepodge of confused writing. I am so tired. I am tired of taking all these meds, tired of hurting, tired of my child hurting physically and mentally, tired of worrying about court, money, barely being able to remember what my damn name is sometimes.

Went to write down my name and number for the secretary at the psych clinic, drew a blank, what is my name?

I know another long vent. I only write it so I can read it and see where I made my mistake, where I can fix it, what I can do next time.