i called th einsurance people and they said it should be just the co pay but im still nervous its the first psychatrist ive ever seen and i have no idea what to expect or anything its making me anxious and nervous. i dont want to go in there and feel like he thinks im faking like everyone else does

last night i went to mikes house and we had a legit good time, we watched the sox game and just hung out. i can tell he really wants me around but im still confused but i wont show that to him.

earlier today i was in such a good mood because of last night and now its just kinda gone away... i duno

im really really really hoping to get the laptop ive been looking at tonight, itll give me something to do other than think aout my mood or tomorrow.


do you guys think its bad that i write mike letters/notes in word about what im thinking/feeling? i usually end up reading them on the phone, but yesterday i gave it to him and he read it. he never reacts or says anything about them. he doesnt ask about them, he just 'hears' them and then we move on.

the whoel time ive known him hes been one to wsweep things under the rug and try to forget about them and since no one will ask him/remind him about them, until now, hes been able to hide everything to the point where it gets to him and he breaks down (starts crying and talks about ending it, everything is to much to handle etc) and everytime its happened ive been there and sometimes he'll tell me what caused it others he wont.

i duno. i feel like everythign is about him lately but i want it to be because its giving me something to focus on. im someone who cant function without a project or a plan or a goal. i was fine when i had school cuz that was my goal. but i graduated and now what.....then my goal was get a job, did that....now while im waiting for school to start again, i want my goal to be to help mike.


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