so its today. my pdoc appointment is in a few hours.

i decided i need to write out what is bothering me so i can tell him/have him read it but thinking about making a list seems so daunting, im one of those people that it drives me crazy when i forget something. so making this list is making me anxious. thinking about everything thats bothering me and then trying to sort it out/write it down is gonna be hell for me. i wish i had someone here to help me and calm me down while thinking about it. but again, im home alone, but even if someone was here they wouldnt help me anyway because they think all of this is a joke and 'in my head'.

i wish after my appointment i could go see mike, and tell him what i went through but i know if i tell him i had a psychatrist appointment that hell freak out and think im psycho and not want anything to do with me (he thinks my panic attacks were brought on because of him and he feels like sometimes he was only with me because he felt bad so this wouldnt help that)

and i hate how my posts usually end up mentioning mike, but i cant help it. i feel like i should hate him, but i cant. i cant just drop this.

i have a headache already and ive only been awake for like 15 mins. and now i have to write to the pdoc. someone help me