Thanks Cheryl.

I'm just fretting and need to vent my worries while I sit here by the window waiting for my son to come home. I've been blindsided too many times in life, and I hate it when I'm not prepared for the blow. I've also seen too many promises broken, so I need a lot of reassurance it will never happen. That's impossible though - can't predict the future.

It would be different if this had been my son's career choice, or if he had been compelled to join in the fighting to support the war. He's never had any desire to join the military. He was just desperate to go to college and find a job in the music business. We were desperate for him to start doing something with his life because my illness is getting worse.

The recruiter told him if he signed up for two years, he'd qualify for college benefits toward his degree and start taking classes right away. It's been four and they didn't tell him he could only take classes pertaining to the Navy that would not transfer over to his college of choice. They also told him he would only be serving in the South Pacific - like my father. They told him it would be a good way for him to honor his grandfather. We liked that idea.

There are times when I get so sick I don't think I'll make it out alive. Obviously I always do, but there is no guarantee that it will always be that way. It would destroy my son if I died before he came home.

Again, just venting my anger over the situation and really wish they would have been up front with us from the start.

(Alffe pounds her head against the wall and says "NOW she's died and gone to heaven!")