Here I am confused and upset with jackie. Back to the same situation only Jack just came to my rescue. I was in the bathroom and Jackie ran off two feet with my chair thinking Jack was nowhere to be found but he found out otherwise as he backed right up into him! Jack has him sitting in his room with him for a extended time out because he sat here for an hour driving me crazy.

So beyond this I am looking at scoring a job, I have a pretty good resume set up and know I will most likely get one of the few jobs out here, but the trouble is that I don't want to be here with Jackie anymore. He was awful in the pool today, pushing and shoving, nearly broke my neck, little things like that. I just can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to come home to this nonesense....

Jack is trying I give him that, but Jackie is just too much. He was messing around with the total gym (along with numerous other things over the course of an hour) and I wanted him to stop but he just said F-U and kept at it. And yes, the little stinker did say the actual words. *sigh* He doesn't seem to care that we want him to listen, Jack thinks again, I'm the one with the problem and just today while I was inside trying to find out some job info outside Jackie was giving Jack a hard time. So it's NOT Just me...

I wish that I knew what kind of group home he would go to. And another thing, suddenly Jack wants to go with me to the therapy I have set up....I am in such a quandry, because he thinks that he's gonna get the therapist on HIS side and have them tell me I NEED help with my parenting skills and he's FN crazy! I feel like this removes me from having a safe place to go for support now. I have to give up the new peace and support I found to take his Verbal abuse with me there too...I could just cry.

It really seems like I have no choice but to just let people around me beat up on me and manipulate me in ways that suit them. I am close to tears right now, Jack was horrible last night, thinking I am 'up to something' and called me names again, and told me h e'd never forgive me if I put him in a group home and how awful those places are and all his entire tangent. He didn't find out about the letter, he's just assuming I am up to something. I feel like this is definitely not working and never will. I just have no choice but to accept the undesirable outlook of losing them both when this goes down IF I can ever GET them to DO what needs doing. I have to get letters from my doctors and it's just horribly depressing.

I wish I could just not wake up sometimes, I haven't been using my cpap again mostly because I am afraid Jackie will rip up the only hose I have for it and because I don't care about it anymore at the moment. I just don't care if I have a heart attack from apnea, or a stroke....SOMETHING is on the horizon, just what I can't see, but I worry that Mom will withdraw her offer to let me live there if I get a job and stay here taking this crap much longer. I just don't know what to do and I hate it...