Aw, dear Judy, don't go to the "why?" place, you'll drive yourself crazier. I'd bet I've spent a cumulative 3+ years of my lifetime trying to figure out why certain things have happened and the only conclusion I've ever reached is that it's just not for me to know. You have such a tough spirit, please use that energy to keep going forward; getting mired down in the unsolvable mysteries of this life is tantamount to robbing yourself.
I'm so proud of you for keeping the walking up! That's fantastic and it can only help you.
Make it a good day!