Hello Idas! Both of my dear parents had to have morphine towards the end of their lives due to terminal illnesses. It was harder for us to see my Dad in pain, than to not administer the morphine. In my Mother's case, we had to make the decision to put her on a morphine drip and to continually have the morphine increased.

This was extremely hard on me, as I felt I was helping her body to shut down. I now know that it was to keep her peaceful and pain free. Yes, there are times when I still ask myself if there wasn't more I could have done; but deep in my heart I know there wasn't.

There comes a time when trying to live becomes harder and harder for people we know or care about. We have to accept what happens and if your MIL is under Hospice care and on morphine, then the Dr is probably trying to keep her comfortable, esp if breathing is so taxing for her. I hope you know how very special you must be to take care of your MIL the way you are.

She is fortunate to have someone like you who cares. I hope you can get some rest..

You deserve it~~~ Oh, and I see you are pretty new here at NeuroTalk. I'm really glad you found us and hope that you can find comfort here. Please don't beat yourself up anymore. You sound like a very caring, compassionate person.

Please keep us updated and you can come and vent here anytime.