If you only knew how bad it's really become...*sigh* I can't go to the bathroom in peace, I can't sit on the sofa or he takes my chair. He's going to be devstated by the placement but he'll recover. It's Jack and I who will have it harder. Emotionally I mean, but then who knows? I do know that he does have emotions, he is as human as the next person, it's just they don't influence him properly and that's part of his problem. Otherwise the emotional barriers of guilt or love would stop him from acting out. And trust me they don't.

He's constantly messing with my chair and it's close to breaking from all the stress it's been under. I feel like my chair, like I am ready to break under all the stress. We're going to do that test trip coming up next week and I am hopeful it will go well. Sadly that damned trip keeps coming up and it's pretty much decided that I have to go. I really hate my life right now. I'm not able to be in control over any aspects of it and it's really bothering me.

The state won't place Jackie for awhile and so far no word from the contact/support worker about the behaviorist or the new behavior assistant/aide we're supposed to get and try for six months. It's really awful. The only thing that keeps me going and the reason I didn't just up and leave to Mom's yesterday is Love, I love Jackie so much and don't want to see him devastated, yet I know this is coming, and now so does Jack, it's just going to have to happen for all of our benefits. *sobs*

Thanks Meg & bizi, I wish it was better already but this is just something we're going to have to go through to get to where it's going to be better. *sigh* Why can't this kid just respect my boundaries? It's all about my disability IMO and how much he can push me and take advantage of my inability to defend myself. He is stronger then me and when he comes over and throws his arms around me I can't break free. It's damned frustrating.